Weeks of Storms

I was listening to the radio the other day and someone was talking...and suddenly his words jumped out at me.

"Sometimes God redeems us from our struggles, but sometimes He redeems us through our struggles." 

I can't tell you who it was that was talking or what he was talking about...probably a song. I just know that this is something that struck me particularly hard this week. (Yes, my dear reader, I know it's only Wednesday...)

The last two weeks have been emotional and hard to deal with. There are so many times that I think, " I wish Mom were here." and I lay down on my bed and find myself holding the edge of the blanket she crocheted while pregnant with me. All I could think about was what she thought while she was pregnant...the things she worried about. 

B is always telling me that there's no use in worrying. God has all of this in His plan and blesses every trial we go through. While I KNOW this in my heart, it's really hard to act this. 

I was told that I have developed Gestational Diabetes. Of course, I wondered what I had done to make this happen (so, I did all the reading, I know it's just something where the hormones from pregnancy keep my body fro using the insulin I produce...DOES NOT MAKE SENSE) 

I started really watching what I eat, beating my head in about all the things that I need to eat. Stressing myself...and B keeps saying, it'll all be ok. 

Yesterday, the diabetes center decided I needed to have insulin ordered. Yep, needles and vials of insulin. Now, I do not want to be on insulin. There are so many side effects to both using the insulin and having higher blood sugar. How am I supposed to choose? And I know she never had to make this choice...yet here I am wanting nothing more than to talk it over with her. I never said it made sense. LOL 

Yesterday my doctor's office also made an appointment for a c-section...which I do not want at all. Little G is already pretty big and if I go into labor, they're fine with delivering him naturally...but if I don't go into labor by March 8th, on the 9th, they'll be doing a C-Section because he will be too big to deliver naturally. I have reservations about all this. 

So...what does all this have to do with anything? I felt alone...like I really didn't have anyone to talk to (other than B...he's already picking up my slack and working) I realized I have friends here, but no one that I feel like I can just call and say, "I need a distraction." I feel like I'm imposing on people and their time. But then...I thought back to that quote I heard. 

I'm meant to lean fully on God...through everything...as He redeems me through these struggles. I know God uses what He does in my life to bless both me and other people. It's like somehow I get in this little selfish bubble and forget that my purpose here is to praise Him and love His creation. 

I don't know how He'll use this...honestly NO clue (I guess that's part of it?) but I do know that He is refining and redeeming me through all that is going on. Breaking parts that need to be broken and giving me strength in parts that I really need to be working on. 

Though I would prefer less crying...geeze.