To be honest, I really didn't take this particular devotion seriously when I read the title. I saw it when it came in earlier today...but I didn't even open it. I knew it would be there waiting. Even now...though I know what it's speaking to me, I'm fidgeting in my seat.
Let's revisit the fact that I am a control freak desperately trying to recover from this condition. I also happen to be like the energizer bunny...and I hate getting behind on anything. I commit to things and get them done...that's it.
Not so much lately.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then,
and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
Galatians 5:1
The scripture reminds me of the reading I'm doing with the women's small group at church. :) It also reminds me of the shame and embarrassment that I feel when my husband takes on household duties to give me the extra time I need to pay attention to everything else I've committed to. Ok, no, this is not the 50's, but I'm used to being able to do my job, keep to my commitments and keep an immaculate house. I'm used to being a regular Wonder Woman. I'm used to controlling things. Nasty little word.
My problem with this devotional stems from me knowing that I have felt cluttered and burdened down for a while. That I need to experience the freedom of giving that control to God...but I don't do it because I know I can do it right? So what if I keep getting sick, so sick that I can't work. So what if I lose a few hours of sleep each night to keep up with things. I'll keep pressing through, I can do this...right?
The honest truth is that I am drowning in my own pride and people keep telling me that I'm doing a lot...and I feel like I'm not. Sure, I get the things out and things happen by the grace of God...but it's not me.
I don't have a friend coming over to my home to help me organize. I don't actually need that. If you came in to my home you'd probably look at me like I was a little crazy. Sure there are a few things out of place, but a couple hours powering through it would fix that. What I need, more than a friend with a cup of coffee (oh please no, not at this hour) is a release and really doing the things that I keep saying I'm going to. I need to make the time that I keep saying I don't have and then keep saying I'm going to make.
I miss the structure of my life somewhere I allowed something to get in my way and I started getting buried in my life. Getting to the point where your body starts to rebel is NEVER a good thing.
It's 11:15. I still have things I need to get done. They will wait and I will take the time I need for God and my husband that I haven't been giving either of them.
Abba, I'm not sure why you would have chosen a child like me. I can only be so entirely thankful that you did. As I struggle I know you are right there to catch me and I am thankful for that too. Help me to make the time I need to make, take the burden I've put myself under and help me to realize the truths that you've been showing me all along.
What's suffocating you?
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