Daily Dose - The Place Where Disappointment Grows - Lysa TerKeurst

Paalm 23:1 - The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

But, I do.

Right now I have a couple wants that are neatly organized in my head in a list.

Lysa talks about the difference between our expectations and wgat our reality are. I have to admit, maybe more tgan once I've been caught expecting something more from my husband, or a friend or myself...and the waves of disappointment bring stinging words from my mouth and cold vast silence to my actions. The worst part? Usually it's over nothing.

You see, not only is the Lord my shepherd, but he is also my provider. Every thing I have is his to give and to take away. I usually don't have a long list of wants, I've never been one to drrol over the newest clothes or phone...but I still feel as though I am in need when in reality, I'm one of the very blessed to live in the top 2 percent of the world (not the country, please, I wouldn't know what to do with that much money). I'm blessed beyond measure to have a roof over my head, food in my table and clothes in good repair. Our heater works, we have blankets and warm socks. So, why do I forget these things when my desires aren't met? Because, gentle reader, I'm human, and prone to it.

But God.  My God. He loves me, guides me as the good shepherd. I keep trying to remind myself that I need to have enough room in my world for the size of blessing God is waiting to give me, maybe if I get rid of so,e of the want and bitterness that comws wuth it, I'll start experiencing those blessings, what do yiu think? :) 

Daily Dose - Unwrapping His Christmas Presence - Renee Swope

Isaiah 7:14b

This particular issue has been on my mind a lot lately. During this time of year many people spend to excess and put emphasis on how the tree looks (when did the color of lights become such a big deal?), but they forget about what Christmas truly was.

So, if you know your Bible a bit, in the Old Testament God tries several times to be among his people. Have you ever tried desperately to be near or close with someone after a huge falling out? God does this multiple times, but there's a problem...sin. God's plan was to be with people and to have a close relationship, what happened in the Garden messed that all up.

You see, God is so good, so pure, so holy that sin can't be around him. My head starts to hurt just thinking about the vastness of God and the depth of his understanding. So, the Garden put a big damper on the whole relationship with God thing because there was no way to be close to him with all that sin.

Back to the verse: Jesus IS God with us. Immanuel. The Holy One himself, in flesh. With hunger, pain, weakness...all that human stuff. Not only that, he was sinless. Jesus spent a lot of time praying, I think there was a deep hole from being separated that way from God,  and I have to think it hurt.

Now we have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, that intimate God With Us...but until Jesus, we couldn't have. We celebrate the birth of Christ because not only was he the Lamb of God and Savior of the world, but because in being so, he restored a relationship with God.  Mary, that evening, holding her sweet newborn son, held the link. She gave us his presence...that's what we celebrate.

So, don't feel bad about how many presents you get or give...or traveling. Don't focus on perfection or spending money. Cultivate relationship, share the best present you have...and do it for the glory of the Kingdom. Not so that people would know your name, but his: Jesus, Messiah...Immanuel, God with Us.

Daily Dose - Romans 12 & 13

Today, like most Sundays, im just reading through part of a book of the Bible. There is no email today.

I dont know why this particulqr passegw was up in the Bible app on our tablet, but when yhe book is open I tend to just read until God says stop.

This passage encourages me today. I've been up since 3:30, my munchkin and husband both went bavk to sleep around 5:15...I didn't because I was holding said munchkin and was truly uncomfortable. I was also get4ing more perturbed by the minute, going over the previous night of what I wanted and what B actually did. 

You see, I was keeping a tally. A record of all the things I did that should give me some sort of sway in getting what I want.

I know, it's super selfish.

So, at 5:30, with my bundle ofnjiy on my chest and my husband snoring...I was starting to seethe. I was tired, I was wantig more sleep, and hadn't I earned more rest?

Can I remind you that it's Sunday? And these are some of my first thoughts...ew.

The passage is an encouragement because I know that what I'm doing is for God. Every single snuggle, every omlete I make (I finally got up and made breakfast), every pot of coffee I brew...is just God's ever flowin and abundant love, not mine.

Let's be honest, that coffee would be laced with spite if it were me.

I have to erase that mental tally board. If I hold it up to God's (you know, that rugged, blood stained cross) I loose, hands down. Sure, I can brush it off as being human nature, the way God made me...but until I'm honest with myself that it is no way a reflection of my God and his deep change filled love, I can't possibly say that anything I'm doing is loving.

Do all things as to the Lord.

Yes, Jesus. Let every action not be tallied to show how much I deserve, but reflect that action that you took, that time where you followed and reflected our heavenly Father amd his love perfectly by laying yourself aside.

Happy Sunday :)

Catching Up :)

Good morning!

I'll be posting Advent pictures here and also on Instagram (I just joined, find me at mandadpanda). I probably won't write much because I'll be posting from my phone. We've had a lot of fun with Advent so far.

I should clarify that we don't have a candy calendar for Advent. We have Snowmen that have Christmas activities on them. They don't have dates on them so it's a little more flexible for our day to day schedules. Tonight we're planning on watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Gideon won't really be watching it...but he'll have some of the popcorn and enjoy the santa hat :)

I'll be pinning the recipes for the Oatmeal Sugar Face Scrub and Peppermint Twist Bath Salts I'll be making for the ladies on my list and the BBQ Rubs I'll be making for the guys. Feel free to follow my boards on Pinterest as well. I'm hoping to get more of my recipes up on here so that we can start sharing. One of my favorites is the Cranberry Sauce I make :) MMMM!

Daily Dose is happening at odd hours so far this month, so I haven't really posted those. Are you still reading yours daily? What are your thoughts? Feel free to share them! :)

If you want to see what the #FMSphotoaday is for me, you'll have to be my friend on Facebook ;) (I think most of you are)

All crafting projects for this month will probably posted next month so I can do a proper write up and possibly get some patterns together for you. :)

The tiny dictator is now a crawling almost walking little ball of energy, so we'll see how often I get to actually writing anything of substance until the new year. :)

As always, thank you for reading. Thank you for being part of my little world :)

With all the grace and peace of Christ,
M :)

Two months...

And in that time...my son has started crawling, standing and walking assisted. Pray for me.

So, after two weeks of being sick and a week without a car (tl:dr - both axels gave out on the 99 on our way home at the beginning of this month.) I am finally back to being able to straighten up the apartment and sort of keep up with the kid. I say sort of because he's a tornado. 8 months of energy and smiles...and destruction. :) (He's currently yelling at me because he's rolled onto his back and doesn't feel like rolling himself over to sit up)

Don't worry, I tickled him and he was having none of it. Now he's crawling around on my bed attacking his toys.

I have plans to get the recipes I've been promising up. Plans...they're funny.

This year, I'll be taking you through some of the plans for Christmas presents. I'm taking a break from crochet (well, a little bit) and tapping into some of the other creative muscles I have. It should be interesting.

And during naps, hopefully I'll be in front of my computer doing my daily devotional with you guys. I miss getting it out there and possibly getting you all talking and in the Word.

So, here's to getting back on track. Even if the track my son is thinking about is the race track :)

Sweet memories...

This is G yesterday eating avocado. His first solid food. Today he ate half an avocado in one sitting.

I have mixed feelings.

Food Calendar Planning: A fight between hardwire and weather.

I want to put soups and hot foods on my calendar. My hardwiring says it is time. Fall is coming.

The weather says, "No soup for you!" Seriously, Nazi Heat may be gone, but there is no way I can enjoy a bowl of loaded potato soup with the temperature in the 90s.

Though, let's be honest, I really want to!

So, I need to hold off for a month or so and THEN I can add them all back to the rotation. *sigh* I could really go for some potato soup.

How ridiculous are these picture? (Warning: Cute kid alert)

This kid cracks me up on a daily basis.

Daily Dose: A Different Kind of School Year - Lysa TerKeurst

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)

As I read through this devotion, I kept thinking, "Manda, bite your tongue." And then I'd think of a time when I didn't. Boo. 

You see, I keep having this issue. And I know God keeps putting things in my path to help me work on it. I keep snapping at Brian, when I should be speaking kind and encouraging words. (After all, he's my husband and the provider and protector of our family.) I can think of a time this very day. Ugh, how crazy am I? I was upset about something from yesterday morning...so what did I do? 

Well, nothing that I wish to share, because I really didn't react the way I should have. Instead I was snarky to him. A bit sarcastic (apparently it's my first language, not my second, ahem.) He's so relaxed and takes most of it in stride and we're both able to laugh it off. Should he have to though? Won't that get a little old? 

Then I read farther. Telling the world to wait and remembering that I am managing blessings are now two things on my list of ways to deal with my icky feelings. 

Seriously, the world. Um...why do I care so much? I should be looking up for my guidance, not out. Out is for something totally different. 

And then the pang of guilt remembering how extremely blessed I am. My husband is a wonderful man. My son? Healthy, happy and growing. How many mother's would give their own lives to have that from their child just once more. How many women would trade every bit of their life with mine? I think this is really the one that gets me. I get a lump in my throat. 

What this really looks like to me? Not getting upset about the little stuff...and it's all little stuff. Really...life, limb or eyesight. (When we were in ministry with the youth, that was our rule. If it doesn't cost your life, a limb or your eyesight...we're good to go. We included, if you can explain it in a court of law. But that's a different post all together.) 

Do I need to stress about the things I am stressing about? Nope. Why? Because the unchangeable I AM has my back. The one that created everything with a word...has everything under control, even if I don't understand or like it very much at the time. 

My child may not be in school, I may not be in school...but I think this is a good time to set a new precedent. Don't you?

Abba, Thank you for keeping me in check. I know I stomp my feet sometimes and get out of sorts. Help me to change little by little, day by day to become that new self you've made me to be.

And...we're back live!

After a week, I'm back y'all! :)

Last week held a bunch of bitter sweet memories. Pop turned 82 on Wednesday (though I don't know that he'll remember that we celebrated), I saw my older sister for the first time in about 10 years and met my nephew. It was very emotional. Both sides of the family came to G's dedication on Sunday at the church Brian and I served in as the youth pastor and admin. Loved seeing that church family and having all our family there. Big day for the little man. I'll have to post pictures. :)

Spent last Monday and Tuesday doing laundry, cleaning and packing to be gone until Monday of this week.

Needless to say, I've been getting everything back to normal since then, but haven't had to really clean. Nice :)

I'll see if I can get all the drafts to post on the correct days for the past week. We'll see. I'm not sure if it's a setting I need to change or what, but I'll figure out why my mobile posts are delayed or drafted instead of posting.

What have you all been up to since last week?

Also, welcome readers from Poland! I'll have to ask Dad the right way to say that ;) I hope you're encouraged and find God's abiding love for our broken selves in the posts. I really try to be as transparent as possible. Sometimes more than I should be ;)

Coming up? A devotion post! :)

Sunday - A Day of Rest

Instead of running round to get ready to drive down to LA, I am being calm. Being G's pillow does that. :)

I've got my list of things to pack. (Don't let me forget to add 'camera' to that list) I need to do a little laundry and pack us. Really though, not all that stressful. I believe I have dinner for tomorrow and Tuesday all figured out and even MADE. See...now I just need to clean the bathroom floor and make sure the trash is dumped. But not today. I'm going to settle in and play with my sweet baby...because before I know it, he'll be walking.

Letting go control of today...*blink* good, the world is still here. :)

Thank God for provision and peace.

Rest today, my dear reader. The week starts too quickly and time passes.

Readers :)

There is at least one view on every post I've written. That's truly humbling.

If you're a real live person, thank you for reading! :)

If you're a bot:
0101010001101000011000010110111001101011 011110010110111101110101 011001100110111101110010 01100010011001010110000101100100011010010110111001100111 00100001

Hey, bots have feelings, too! :)

p.s. That's binary, just in case you were wondering. I put spaces in between for those of you that might want to look up what I might have said :) 

Daily Dose: Where Your Tears Go - Tracie Miles

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

This is a great reminder, especially when going through rough times. God is always with you, holding your hand and catching your tears. Even when it seems like there is no way for that to be true.

God spends His time listening and loving us...in all our messy humanness. I can't always wrap my head around that. :)

Before I post today

PSA: Some of my posts saved as drafts and some posted funny when I wrote them from my tablet or phone over the past couple days. I've been trying to fix that today. I love the mobile apps, but they really mess with the timeline on things sometimes.

If I'm posting from my phone or tablet, I may have to come back in so you get everything in the right order.

Honestly, it's probably user error or getting up to see what the Tiny Dictator needs ;)

Thanks for reading! 

Daily Dose: Messy Marriage - Lysa TerKeurst

"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God." Jeremiah 17:7 (MSG)

I will admit...I've read this and avoided writing about it. I hemmed and hawed with the screen open as I went about going to a doctor appointment I couldn't actually be seen at, through feeding my little guy and putting him down for a nap...yeah...I thought about it. I didn't write about it.

The reason? I am a dirty orange juice slinger. Well, it hasn't been orange juice. Usually a towel, or my phone. (Good thing there's a case on it!)

Oh I get so mad sometimes and let me tell you, I have a TEMPER. Sure, I'm sunshiney most days, however, when the mood arrives, you better believe there are storm clouds and a torrent of thunder comes out of my mouth toward my husband before I can even bat an eye. And then I  try to suck it all in and make it like it didn't happen. I know that I don't need to talk like that to him just because he's said something hurtful to me. And I don't say hurtful things to people I love...I'm just...a little too blunt. Feel my wrath!

Ew.

Then God kind of taps me on the shoulder with His Holy finger and gives a look that can only be, "really? YOUR wrath? Hmm...that's funny, I thought the whole wrath thing was on me." But He doesn't have to say a word.

I have a prayer journal. One of my on going prayers, that I try to pray every day (ok, a couple times a day) is that God would give me the knowledge of when to speak and when to shut up and pray. (Yes, I use the words shut up when I'm talking to God...we're close like that)

My husband is better at grace than I am. I'm dead serious. Though he gets his dander up, he's usually the one to wrap his arms around me first (especially when I've got my tail tucked between my legs and am averting my words and eyes at all expense because I KNOW I've not asked God what to do).

So. Maybe I don't soak my kitchen in OJ, but maybe I do soak it in words that aren't necessary.

I think, maybe, I should stick to things that are easy to clean up...or you know, nothing at all. ;)

Daily Dose: Running on Empty - Glynis Whitwer

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

Oh man....Miss Glynis, you are not saying anything my heart hasn't heard. You are seriously speaking to the tough outter shell that keeps me sane.

In the past few weeks...man, I feel like I'm the batter and the pitcher knows every pitch that will bring me to my knees. But...that's where I'm supposed to be.

I keep hearing the words to a song, "You're my revival song/You start where I belong...On my knees/On my knees." I've written about it. And I know I need to be there, because I know I don't have enough grace, mercy, peace, love or patience to deal with the day to day or other adults in my life. Seriously, it's not the kids I don't get.

(my sweet 5.5 month old baby boy, turned to me this morning and planted an unsolicited drool filled baby kiss on my cheek. I almost cried)

I know for a fact that without God, I can not show people His love on a day to day basis. I need him to fill me up. How do I know this so soundly? I go back to my high school years...I had a circle of friends that I would have done anything for, they knew my sweet heart and want to make anyone laugh. Did anyone else? Apparently not. A guy I considered a friend, not close but a friend, told me that up until about Junior year, he thought I'd probably gut him if  he crossed me the wrong way. Wow. I also remember ignoring the very existence of people that I didn't want to talk to. Ouch. Like, they would say Hi and I would act like nothing even happened. Those of you that know me...even a little bit, know that I would never do that now.

Let me share a little something with you: I grew up in the church. My parents were involved. I was a Christian. I accepted Christ at the end of my Sophmore year of high school. Do you see why Junior year might have changed? See, until I asked God to fill me, to make me whole...until I had my own relationship and stopped just having someone else's beliefs, I wasn't able to ask to be filled, because I didn't know anything was missing.

This is how I know, for a very sure fact, that I need God. Every. Single. Day. No matter what. Or I can't love, show mercy and grace, be patient...nothing. I need God to do that to the degree that other people deserve. Not just my circle...my group...but everyone.

Today, I still face the same challenge...and I have some pretty tough stuff that's happened and that is still happening...but I can always take a step back and ask for that sweet love to fill me. And it will.

Wordless Wednesday

Daily Dose - The Gift of Listening - Renee Swope

"I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray." Psalm 17:6

Whenever I read the devotions done by Renee, I can hear her. She does radio spots for KLove and The Promise, so I feel like I hear her words more accurately. I "know" her.

Anyway, through this whole devotion, all I could think is that I often don't "look up and hear" God. I put other things in the path of hearing Him.

Well, let's be honest, I put things in the path of hearing everyone. We all do. Except maybe my son. But he's 5 months old. The worst part is, sometimes I can even put things in the way of responding to something as little as a text or a phone call. This may sound weird to some of you because you know of my really outgoing personality.

I've really tried to make a point to not let anything keep my attention from G, especially my phone, the computer or the TV. But I have a habit of thinking to myself, "I'll just do the dishes, then I can sit down with a snack and do my devotion." Well, we see that I'm writing this at 10:50pm...so we know where that ends up most days. (p.s. A huge thank you to my sweet amazing man that is currently fighting the good fight with our tiny dictator for sleep)

See, I get so side tracked that God time sometimes takes a back seat...and then comes husband time taking a back seat, and friend time. A lot of people would read that and think it's normal when you have a small child, but...something tells me (read: previous experience) that if I put the time with God first like I should, everything else just falls into place. BUT...that's just too easy...

I guess my prayer isn't just to make time to give the gift of listening to the people in my life instead of the technology in my life...but also to the God of my life. Without Him in my life and as a start to my day, things get out of hand and my relationships seem to really suffer (read: sometimes my mouth and brain don't really talk...things go downhill quickly).

Father, thank you for giving me the gift of your ever present listening ear. Help me to put it in the right place in my day. I need the Holy Spirits gentle nudge and guidance to put down the phone or step away from the computer and make eye contact, because even though I try to do that already, I know I still fall far short of what I should be. Thank you so much for your ability to love your broken child. :)

(All these devotions are done with the daily email sent from Proverbs 31 Ministries and are done in a mirror fashion so that it is easy to read and follow. These are all my response to reading what these wonderful ladies talk about each day.)

Daily Dose - Do You Have Enough? - Karen Ehman

"Then he said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.'" Luke 12:15

Stuff. You heard me. Stuff. It's what we all buy and want...but rarely need. 

This devotion really didn't make me look around and say, "hey, I have too much stuff!" because...well, 7 did. This devotion just made me remember that I'm better off without all the stuff that everyone else has. Like, it would be nice to have a car with AC, but there are plenty of people that don't have a car at all. It would be nice to have a house, but there are A LOT of people that don't even have a roof, let alone own it. 

In our financial down grade, I am going to start being very careful about setting money aside, not just for tithe, but for others. Whatever that ends up meaning. I'll set it aside and let God tell me what to do with it. 

Let's call this an experiment in the unknown. 

Since the Stuff chapter of 7 (ok it wasn't called that but I can't remember now and if I don't get this done, I might not be able to post for another 7 or so hours. My tiny dictator is napping...ish.) I haven't found myself dwelling on things I don't have. I haven't ever really been a stuff person. I have clothing that is literally almost 10 years old. What I find I dwell on more is making sure we have enough nutritious food. LOL 

That's another issue though isn't it? 

So, I'm going to leave this here...and we'll see what happens. Remind me if I don't post about it. k?

Dear Bride of Christ USA...

aka The Christian Church in America,

First, I need to say I'm sorry. For two reasons. That I haven't spoken up sooner and that what I'm about to say won't be easy to hear. It's not easy to type. Some of you may break up with me for it. And that's ok. You do what you need to do...because I am. I love you too much to watch this happen any longer and stay silent.

So, I've been rolling these thoughts around in my brain, trying to distract myself with making food for tomorrow and playing a little solitaire (what? It's a fun game and a great distraction). I've been trying to find the words to say that I love you...and I'm not sure how you've gotten to where you are. And it's not me, it really is you.

We. Are. Failing.

My dear sweet church. We've somehow gotten to a point where I don't even recognize you sometimes. You're so many different KINDS of groups that I'm not sure if I should call you multi faceted or two faced. How can we really reach anyone if we're so divided? Do you think maybe...just maybe, that's the plan of Satan? Get us all fighting about if we should have padded pews, if Hymns are better than new worship music and if we really should allow women to talk in service. Preaching that if I pay a certain amount (read: small fortune) I will get into Heaven? Tell me where it says that in the Bible? Stop it, you and I both know that I am saved by God's grace alone, my faith gets me there. If I just DID more? Um...my good works are again...a product of my faith. Stop it. No, don't look at me that way.

Did you know, that you used to be known as the best giver? And I don't mean to yourself. Heaven knows you've bought yourself some lovely clothes of granite, marble and glass...but honestly, what happened to the widow and the orphan? Oh, that's right, they don't fit into our ideals of what a Christian looks like. Sure, we talk about helping them, we may even volunteer so we can feel good about ourselves. Any time a child goes to bed hungry, alone or scared...it's on our heads. I'm so serious right now.

Why do we think we're allowed to have a say in who God wants us to connect with? I can't find it in the Gospel.

I'm all about being in fellowship with other Christians, in fact, we're told to be. But why does it have to be such a production? And at such a cost as to drive people that need Jesus away? To get butts in seats? But...um...explain Christians that are still preaching in lands that persecute them. And what do you do with them once they're there? Oh, you let God work on them...right. You look great. All dressed up and showy. Focusing on yourself. But that's not the point of what Jesus did.

Do you know what gets people? What truly makes people come to know God? The authentic Gospel. Nothing more. Not lights and smoke. Not an amazing worship band. They want to see that you love them. That no matter what they look like, what they've done or what's been done to them...that you LOVE them. Why?

A Christian is known by his love.

Plain. Simple. Jesus.

Now here's more of what you won't like. You. Are. A. Pharisee.

Sorry, I'm not sorry. You're holding so tight to the rules that you have of what makes people acceptable, that you're forgetting that we are all sinners. That we all fall short of the glory of the living God. But...God's love. Yep...not yours, not mine...God's. HE chooses your appointments. He puts who He wants in your path, coming through your doors. Jesus didn't tear that veil for us to make ourselves another one that we won't let certain people past. You have these rules that are killing you...why can't you see that?

Simmer down, I'm guilty, too. I've been too long with you and God knows I've struggled these past few years with this exact thing. And I kept thinking it would change. We'd finish focusing on us and then start looking out. But I was wrong. Even the best missions ministry falls far short...because they come back and talk about what God did in them while they were there and how they'll bring that back, but usually don't. What about the people you met? What about the lives that you got the privileged of seeing?

My heart aches for the ability to look at the person with hidden scars, hug them and just say, 'You are sought after by the most amazing love you will ever know." To look at the alcoholic and tell them, "you do not need to drink anymore, you can drink from a well that will fill you. Be healed."

"...but Manda, we have to go about it the right way, we have to set up groups and rules for the groups. We have to set goals...make studies..."

NO. Stop it. There I go...listening to you again. We need to act. Stop. Just stop. You're trying to placate me with your programing and I can't allow that anymore.

I don't want to see your one week missions trip. I want to see weekly letters back and forth from sister congregations set up to thrive. I want to see missionary teams being trained to LIVE where they go. Months, years...I don't care...but a week? And then a pat on the back. You're kidding yourself. You gave their kids candy and put up some walls. What did you do to effect change? Don't just send money, though right now that's what a lot of the world will think will help them. Take Jesus. Give them that! Teach them to read and then act as well. (No, I don't mean, "Look. Jesus helped us do all this...here's a Now n Later!"  -_- ) I want to see you actually reaching out to the people in our community...without one single second of judgement for what they're going through or what they're doing. Just be with them, right where they are.

Let's be the unity and love that our world needs...otherwise, I'm not sure we can be together anymore. I'm not leaving God...I'm leaving you. I'm going to get together with my friends, two or more of us...and we're going to talk to God and figure out how to be as authentic as that first church...maybe we'll even learn different languages so that people may know the Glory of God through it. Who knows...

Things that make me grumpy

Waking up with a pain in my shoulder tgat makes it hard tobhild and feed my infant

Redoing the budget numbers with the new pay structure Brian has.

Trying to make food for Shabbat with said unhappy shoulder.

So, there you have it. I'm trying to take my moments to pause and thank God for what we do have. His provisions are great and His plan is greater. 

Daily Dose - Quiet My Soul - Wendy Pope

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul." Psalm 131:2a (NIV 1984)

This devotion is aboutbeing comfortable in the silence and restorat7ve peace of God.

I've fotten better at this with the 7 daiky prayers (though I've missed at least one a day)

Without anymore ado, I'm stoppin this blog entry to just sit and be quiet with God.

Join me?

Daily Dose - When My Happy Gets Bumped - Lysa TerKeurst

" Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,  against the powers of the dark world and against the soiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:11-12 (NIV)

Wordless Wednesday

Daily Dose - I Don't Like Her - Samantha Evilsizer

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. " Philippians 2:3 (NIV 1984)

The list of God things I'm not good at: mercy, grace, forgiveness and peace. The end.

Boo!

This devotion hits me in the eyes. Let's be honest,  anything that calls out my hard headed, controllig or out spoken nature smacks me soundly across the face. I catch myself sighing as I read and now as I write...ok, I get it! (Obviously not Manda, or you wouldn't be reading it again, and again, and again.) (Don't mind me, I'm just talking to myself)

I'm so guilty of stompig my angry little feet when God challenges me. What was that God? I need to go through this trial? I . Don't.  Think. So. It's not fair! 

Eventually I get it, I am gently placed back in my knees where I belong. Don't get me wrong, I sing and dance in praise and worship as well, but the place I need to make myself the most comfortable, is right there at the foot of that old rugged messy cross. And not just about people and relationships...everything.

Today, as I think about and write the next post, the one that wilk be my Jerry McGuire moment, I pray for a humble spirit, mercy for my fellow Christians and myself. It's a heavy one guys.

Abba, I need you to help me with humility and grace daily. Though I know your views, quite wel, I know ibstill struggle, not with ego, but with attitude.  Thank you for your patience and love while I work throug being less of me and more of you, pressed down, shaken together and overflowing.

Daily Dose: Why Bother - Glynis Whitwer

" Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.'" John 6:68-69 (NIV)

This particular devotion gets to the heart of my next post. Glynis talks about living the "what-better" faith as opposed to the "why-bother" faith. As in, what could be better in my life than knowing my redeemer, the One True God? Where as the why bother faih is centered around a list of rules, you can't do thats and guilt.

Why is the church losing people left and right? Because we're the ones deciding who gets to be in...and who is too terribble to accept. Oh sweet bride of Christ, we are turnig you into what you were never meant to be. In ways, we've made you an idle of brick and concrete.

Is thsi what people see when thy see my walk? Do they see a loved and passionate daughter? Or a woman caught in judgement of others?

I'm scared to actually  answer that truthfully...

I'm sick of feeling a piece missing because I'm not just loving. Our culture makes it all but impossible not to judge...but I'm going to state here that I. Am. Changed. The one called I Am changed me. I can not keep goig about and only shining my light where I want and when I want.

Let's show the world what authentic followers of Christ really look like...you can tell them by their love. ;)

M

P.s. originally written 8/13/13

Parenthood: An Exercise in Insanity.

My son is currently yelling at things.

He's almost 5 months old.

I don't think he'll ever have an inside voice. (Then again, I barely have one)

We choose this. We think to ourselves, "Self, there should be a smaller version of you and that male person you're so fond of. You know how crazy you are? And how you have words...that's boring! Crazy without words, that's where it's at!"

-_-

I enjoy being a mommy more than anything else I've ever done. (Well, the whole marriage thing and being a child of the Risen King are pretty amazing as well) This little person makes me question my sanity though. Like, on a daily basis.

He was just yelling at the wall, the decals on the wall, to be specific. I walked over and asked if he had a snotty nose. He smiled, grabbed his toe, pulled it toward his mouth...and tooted. (Yes, my dear Gideon, the internet is hearing about your infant toots.)

See? Am I sane? Nope.

Busy weekends make for busy weeks....

Last weekend we had a whirlwind of activity...even though we were "on vacation".

I always feel like I have so much to do when we go out of town. Trying to plan for Gideon makes things a little more hectic. Though he doesn't take up as much space as some people have said he would. The biggest thing is figuring out where he'll sleep.

We started last Saturday with the 8th Annual Breastfeeding Awareness Walk and Big Latch On event. It was pretty cool. There were vendors with information about eating well, benefits of breastfeeding, birth options...all sorts of great stuff! We only did one lap of the walk because it was warm and B was worried that Gid was too warm in the Ergo. At 10:30am sharp, I joined 52 other mommas and two sets of twins in latching on...yep, big old circle of nursing babies. It was awesome. And there weren't any half naked women saying, "look at me!" There were little conversations between mom and baby, quiet smiles and eventually milk comas. :) I loved bringing awareness to this amazing, beautiful thing.

Next we RAN like crazy to Crazy Squirrel so B could cover the drink run and a break. It was nice to just chill with the munchkin, but I really wanted to get home to pack. LOL

We headed to my uncle's house in Stockton for the night. (The drive in which the AC went out in our car...) B was judging the MTG event at Stockton Con and we were able to spend Sunday evening with family that we don't see all that often. They came back from Spirit West Coast Sunday late afternoon. Gid went to (and slept during most of) his first Con...which was commemorated by a free comic, also the first. :)

We drove back Monday, without AC...Ew.

Then the catch up started...laundry, unpacking, diapers.

This weekend is different...we're home...but I have a whole different issue. I'll be writing an entry about it...don't worry.

Needless to say...

I know, I said I was going to bed. And then two more posts. Forgive me.

So, I'm looking through other posts and realized that I hadn't said really much about 7 since I started.

I am torn to bits by this study. It really is just scooping out all the goopy things that I really don't want touched and replacing them with beautifulness. (Yep, I just typed that.)

7 is part of how God is messing me up over this THING that's been sitting in my heart for YEARS now. B can tell you, I talked about it on our first "date". Well, he may not remember. We talked about a lot of things...for over 8 hours. We had a lot of catching up to do. I was also kind of swooning. LOL

AAAAAAAAANYWAY.

7 is amazing. I will more than willingly walk through it with anyone who wants to. It is...heart stopping, soul cleansing and powerful to really commit to.

This month is Stress. Oh no!

:)

We're observing 7 moments of prayer. Pauses for my soul to drink in the ever present love of my Father. I have yet to do all 7 in one day. BUT...I'm working on it and I do see the amazing benefits.

30 minutes to the Vigil. So many people that need intercession, someone praying and sitting with Jesus for them. Tonight I think of Norma and Nanette. Two women that I love and adore deeply. Women that I have the privilege of calling my Sisters. I know that right now, the ocean is tumbling and they're just a couple tug boats hoping to make it back to the safety of a marina. Both with their own strong faith, still being tossed about.

I think the Vigil is my most connected prayer time. I haven't missed one yet, even with an infant. I can't help but feel the importance of this quiet and dark hour (even as the cars roar past my windows and my infant stirs in the night). Jesus went to lonely places to be with God and He WAS God. What does that tell me about the times and places I need to pray? So, I'll sit and read a Psalm. I'll pray for these two amazing Sisters and those that I do not know. The groups of children that are hungry tonight, those that do not know anything but fear in their innocent young lives. The women that protect their children from the anger of a father that does not know how else to act. I'll pray for the families going to bed hungrier than they should (as I pack away my leftovers ((I'm so sick of myself after 7, you have no idea)) and close the fridge) I'll pray for the people that are laying out in the night with no bed or roof (as I lay my head on a clean and fluffy pillow, in my comfortable bed ((see why I'm so sick of me?)) )I"ll pray for the men and women that have lost their oldest and truest friend, both to death and to Alzheimers (Lord, please show us the cure, please...)

 I'll pray for the blessings that God so desperately wants to give these people, I'll pray that they find the strength or someone with the strength to help them.

Join me for the midnight Vigil?

M

Humbled

I am always incredibly amazed at the number of views my Daily Dose entries generate. I don't know if you are searching and somehow come across my blog or if you are searching them out, but I thank you.

God really smacks me around sometimes and...well...sharing that with others is what it's all about right? :) Enjoy!

Feeling some kind of way...

So. I have a lot of things going through my head right now.

We spent some good time with Tad, Stefani, Emma and Tyler earlier this evening. I'm so glad they were able to come up. See Little G. He's growing so fast.

I miss my Mom. Sorely lately. It becomes...hard to breathe. I just walk around and clean...distracting myself from what I'm really feeling.

TT is coming to visit with Little Mr. C at the end of August for Pop's birthday. I haven't seen her in...years. Like close to 10 probably. I can't wait to see her. I miss her. I think I miss how close we used to be.

B is working harder than ever. He's and amazing man and I love him. I realized the other night that I'm still having issues feeling like he's going to walk in one day and just leave. Even though I know that's not him or how he is...it's how a lot of my main relationships have gone.

The XBox died. Tad brought his up to give to us. Plugged it in...red ring. Boo. Hiss...

Obviously, this is all just the stuff in my head right now...

G is so blessed, we are so blessed. We have an abundance of clothes and toys for him that we keep being given. God provides.

I have an amazing little boy. He is so sweet. He sleeps (like right now, and what am I doing? Typing. -_-)

I don't know if I'm beating around the bush about something or not.

So. I have this...pulling...at my heart and head. Something that's been there for a very long time. Something that God has put there that I need to do something with. I need to write it all out and let it take shape. I need people praying for it all and giving life to it. So, here comes another blog. Don't worry, I'll link here ;)

And...to bed. Little Man is going to want to eat soon.

Father's Day

Well good...almost afternoon :)

Today is Father's Day here in The States. It used to be a day that held a lot of different feelings for me.

For a while, I didn't have the best relationship with my father, to the point that I told him in no uncertain terms NOT to come to my high school graduation. (Of course, being one half of the stubborn I received, he came anyway.) We didn't get along for a lot of reasons. I had a lot of anger and pain that I needed to deal with and forgive him for. I needed to just realize that he was my dad, and I needed to just love him for who he was, not who I wanted him to be.

During the time that I didn't get along with my dad, I still had Pop. My mom's father. He was and still is one of the most influential men in my life. I always knew he loved me. Hugs and kisses, sitting with me until I finished dinner (I used to eat VERY slowly, he'd grab his cross word and sit with me until I finished). Today is hard thinking of Pop though. For two reasons really. Pop is in LA, we live in Fresno. He also is in the first phases of Alzheimer's. Sometimes I know he remembers who I am. Sometimes...I know he doesn't. When he was holding Little G, I kept praying that he would remember it, even just a little bit. The smart, dry wit is still there, but rarely. He's still Pop, he's just...different. And that's hard for me to deal with. I put the family home videos in and watch them when we're visiting, because that is my Pop. The man that would always walk us out to the car, and stand on the curb waving until we couldn't see him anymore.

And now, I get to see my amazing husband celebrate his first Father's Day. :) It's amazing, really, how much more I find myself in love with this man. Currently he's cuddling during Little G's morning nap. He changes diapers, helps little man fall asleep, changes him into his clothes for the day, helps during bathtime and gives so many kisses and hugs...he's an amazing Father.

Today I think of all the blessings in my life given to me by my Heavenly Father. From the relationship I now have with Dad to the love that I was given by my Grandfather and Uncle. It's so important for kids to have guys in their lives. Both girls and boys. Both need their daddy.

Thank you Father, for the amazing men in my life. You have blessed me and care for me in ways that I know I don't deserve. Your faithful and unfailing love shows in all the relationships in my life and I could not thank you enough.

Happy Father's Day!

Hi South Korea, Germany and Russia!

So, even if these aren't real people reading I thought I'd say hi to those visiting me from those countries. I've actually seen quite a few hits from Russia...so here you go. Shout out to the cold north! :)

Daily Dose: A Better Way Than My Own - Van Walton

"The LORD will work out his plans for my life—for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8 (NLT)

I'm pretty sure God pours himself into my issues like I pour water into a cup...at least 8 times a day :)

This morning B and I had a conversation about a few things that will mean a lot of change in our lives. ( I know, we had a baby and NOW we're talking change?) Being a bit apprehensive about change, he's a little distracted today at work. I'm also a little distracted and could feel his mood when he left. It wasn't a happy one.

What Van Walton writes about allowing God to plan our lives and stick to it really hits home today. We can both see that God is moving and we both know that He is in control, that doesn't change the feelings we have about what's going on..but maybe it makes them easier to deal with....or put aside?

Honestly, it's not so much that we're not in control, I'm dealing with that better and better lately...it's more the feelings of confusion and disappointment that are getting to me.

This verse though, really just trips me in my ranting and reminds me that it's not about other people, what they're doing or what they want me to do...it's all on God and HIS plan. No other plan. So...now I need to be still and just listen to what He says right? :) Easier said than done.

Father, I'm human and in so many ways I find myself sick over parts of the plan for my life. I can't even think about the number of knots I've worried over. Help me to remember that your plan is the one that I'm following, that no matter what other people say, or do, yours is the plan I'm following. That you are faithful and true to those that love and follow you. Thank you for where you are taking us :)

Cookbook: Fruit Bars

These are so simple, it might be criminal. You can customize them endlessly as well. The trick is to keep equal portions, one third of it needs to be some sort of nut.

Here's the recipe.

1/3 Mission Figs
1/3 Raw Almond
1/3 Raisins

1. In food processor, finely chop all ingredients together.
2. Press out into cookie sheet lined with wax paper to desired thickness.
3. Refrigerate for at least one hour.
4. Cut into bars, store in sealed container with wax paper between bars.

Now, I don't note an amount, just 1/3. I used 4.5oz the first time because that's the amount of fig I had. You can also use dates, crasins, dried cherries, pineapple, mango, pecans, walnuts...the combinations are endless!

These are great snacks that contain a lot of good fat, fiber and (depending on the fruit) tons of minerals and vitamins. :)

Playing catch up...

Hello there! Thanks for hanging in the past few months while I sorted out being pregnant and having a newborn and then a squirmy wormy infant. (He's wiggling and staring at this toys as I type.)

So, prepare to be bombarded with a bunch of posts I should have made before he came and have been meaning to make since he came. Coming next? Fruit bars. Let me tell you...YUM!

As far as anything else, here are the updates.

Little Mr. Gideon Wheat decided to grace us with his presence on March 8th, though he really really really tried to make it the 7th. 8 pounds and 5 ounces and nearly 21 inches of sweet little boy fun! :) That's a whole different post (his birth story, which will be written here, sent to the email account I made for him and put up on FaceBook, just in case you miss it.) Needless to say, I've been fairly busy.

B and I resigned from doing the kids ministry at church. Though it was a VERY hard choice and something we prayed about for a few weeks, in the end, all the reasons and that Still Small Voice pointed in the same direction. We're still helping out with the kids where it's needed though, I don't think I'll ever be able to not be doing some sort of kids or youth ministry.

B is still working both jobs and planning to take his L2 exam in August, so that'll be interesting. We'll be heading in to a lot of study for him. I see him wearing the carrier while pacing and studying.

Still in the 7 book with the women at group, though I haven't been since the first time. :( It's a hard book to swallow and I'm being kicked in my crunchy hippie pants. (Yeah, don't ask) The book has not only put me up to getting us back on a cleaner eating plan, but also a cleaner spending and washing plan (what?). Today I washed my hair with baking soda *gasp* and conditioned it with vinegar *faint* Stay with me reader. My hair is so soft and smells amazing! I used some essential oils and MAN! I'm LOVING it. I did let my hair detox for a good two weeks though, so that might be why I've had the results I have. ;) (I just sniffed my hair). Today I also cleaned my face with a yummy smelling concoction that included honey and baking soda. My face feels great!

Along with the little man came diaper laundry! We are cloth diapering (I recommend this to anyone with a kid in diapers.) Before you get all, "I can't believe that!", "How do you handle the poop?!?!", "Are you hard up for money?" remember the crunchy hippie pants I mentioned earlier. Cloth diapering is much different from the times of pins and rubber pants (though you can still go that way if you like!). My little monster has the cutest butt :) And we're saving money monthly. Did I mention it's better for the earth? And I can use them through multiple kids? And I haven't had ONE rash or rash type issue? Yep, I'm loving my cloth. (Yes, they're my diapers, not his.)

I think that catches us up to now. So, on with the recipes...and cloth talk...and home made cleaning stuff. You're all in for it now! :)

Cookbook - Oatmeal Bites

Hello amazing followers! Coming to you live from my living room floor where my munchkin has decided that sleeping during tummy time is acceptable...*sigh*

So, here I am, posting a delicious energy rush for you. The original recipe came from Pinterest, you know me, I have to mess with things.

Here you go:

1 cup uncooked oatmeal
1/2 cup dried fruit or dark chocolate chips
1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter (almond butter is also nice)
1/2 cup ground flax seed
1/3 cup raw honey
1 or 2 dashes of cinnamon

1.Combine dry ingredients
2. Add peanut butter and honey
3. Mix well
4. Place in fridge for one hour
5. Form into bite sized rounds.

Store in a cool place, I prefer the fridge. Enjoy!

Next up? Fruit bars!

Grey stormy days...

Snuggling with my sweet little guy and really not caring what else I have to do...though it seems like an awful lot.

Actual reasons for no new post.

So, I've talked about all the "I don't have tome excuses...but now I have...

Plain

Today was plain Greek yogurt day.

I had pretty high hopes that this would be something I would absolutely love.

The first bite I was not impressed. This brand may be a little different than others, but it was the only one with a small size, otherwise I had to get the large tub. That didn't seem like a good idea not knowing if I would like it.

It has the consistency of sour cream, much thicker. I did one bite of plain. It was...almost tasteless, except for a tang and it dried out my tongue. So, I pulled out the brown sugar and vanilla (something I read online). But now I was back to almost the A's me protein to carb ratio as the vanilla from yesterday.

Was it worth it? This brand is more expensive and took me...quite a while to get through the same size container as yesterday. So, for me, unless I'm cooking with it, I will probably stick to the vanilla.

Trying new things...

Today, G and I tried Greek yogurt. It was vanilla and amazing! I had heard so many things about it....from taste and things you can do with it to how much better it is for you.

Well, I generally love yogurt. I stopped eating it because of the gestational diabetes. It has SO much sugar in it. The carbs are through the roof and the protein isn't all that great. I also kind of have an issue with the texture. Some brands are fine, but it's just...too...bleh.

Enter Greek yogurt. I did not start with the plain because...well, I was a little scared of what it might taste like. Let me tell you...I am loving it! The consistency is so much better and the kind we tried today has a great amount of protein even being sweetened.

I put on my brave face and picked up a small container of plain...it's on my list of snack foods for tomorrow. We shall see.

I need to catch up on all the Daily Dose drafts I have going. Expect a blast of a few entries tomorrow sometime. I may even try Greek yogurt pancakes tomorrow...we'll see.

Have you tried Greek? Did you like it?

Open her heart...and mine. - Suzie Eller

I think the past few days, God may have been speaking directly to my heart. Ok, I know he does every day...but I'll explain in a minute why I phrased this the way I did.

The scripture today from the Proverbs 31 devotional is:

"One of them was Lydia from Thyatira, a merchant of expensive purple cloth, who worshiped God. As she listened to us, the Lord opened her heart and she accepted what Paul was saying." Acts 16:14 (NLT)

I've always loved the scripture about Lydia, she always seemed like one of those women you'd see at church, older and respected but still so open to the will and heart of God, that she didn't ever feel embarrassed to be rocked by Him.

Now Suzie talks about praying for the heart if others, but also for yourself...that your heart would be changed.

She uses some amazing imagery, she talks about the soil of your heart and that of your friends. Yesterday, Pastor Dave talked about the parable of the seeds and the different soils of the heart (he also happened to reference a scripture that made quite an impact in my ladies group Ezekiel 36:26-27)

Those of you that have read all my posts probably think I'm a little bit of a hippie. You wouldn't be wrong. I live in an apartment, have a compost bin and grow my own veggies many years. I recycle as much as I can, try to live as in harmony with God's earth as I can. (I still shave though lol)

These past two days, God has put wording and reading in front of me that speaks to the planter/cultivator in me. Pastor Dave made a good point that ties so directly to this particular devotion that it makes me a little speechless (only a little). He said that when he was younger he thought the parable in Luke was talking about four different people, that you could be one or the other...but as he's studied it more and more over his years, he started to realize that this particular story could be one heart in different times. I feel like, that's part of what Suzie is saying.

We need to pray for others, intercede for them. Especially those that haven't ever known the relationship and grace of God. But we can't forget to remember to pray that our own heart REMAINS open and soft for God to use. I know that as Christians we can get a hardened heart. We already know it all. Why do we need to listen? Freedom in Christ - check! Read the entire Bible - check! Prayer time - check! (I like to call this rubbing the lamp when you have a hardened heart, you're not really talking...you're telling your genie what you want. Might make you laugh, but it totally happens) We're good Christians because we have all of that down. Now, I'm not saying that you aren't if that's your routine, I'm just saying that if we don't check our heart and pray for it to be soft soil for God, all those become just that - a routine. Going through the motions because we know that what we should do.

Tell me though, where's your love for others during all that? That's why we HAVE to not only pray for change in others, but for change in ourselves. I can't speak for you, but I know I am way too selfish and self centered to keep on loving and not judging people if I don't first pray that God would change my heart to His.

Father, thank you for speaking to my heart. For reminding me of my need to fully put my heart and will in you and what you would have for me. Thank you for placing my friends and family on my heart so that I would bring them to you, trusting them to you. Continue to change and shape my heart and keep it fertile soil for your love.

What do you think?

Scripture for today...

There isn't a devotional today from Proverbs31, so I'm sharing the KLove encouraging word.

For you have been called to live in
freedom, my brothers and sisters.
But don't use your freedom to
satisfy your sinful nature. Instead,
use your freedom to serve one
another in love

~ Galatians 5:13, NLT

Use your freedom to serve one another in love. It's something that we hear a lot as Christians. Do we really know what it means though...and when it comes down to it, do we really pick apart scripture to give ourselves a way out of simply loving one another?

I'm told time and again from "older more mature Christians" that we have every right to judge each other. (Ok, so maybe they say "hold each other accountable, but I don't see it done with love and that to me equals judgment of the worst kind)

You see, to me, to really serve in love is such a self sacrifice and commitment to putting your feelings aside. Do I feel like doing this for someone else? Maybe not...and if that's the feeling with which I do something I probably won't do it very well and will serv e out of spite...not love.

We are free...so free in fact that we can turn running from what God wants for our lives and do exactly the opposite. But this one little bit of scripture encourages us to do what we're meant to do. Reminds us that yes, we are free from life eternally separate from God and that we need to use our freedom, not for us, but for Him...for everything He would have us do...and that all comes down to serving on another in LOVE. (Which I happen to think is God's favorite word)

I not saying I'm good at this by any means, just thought I'd share...and promise you that I'm going to try to be better. Pray that God gives me His will and His strength, because I can't do it on my own. And that's okay.

Just for the record...

It's not easy giving yourself a shot in the leg. In fact, I can't do it on my own.

My husband is a life saver and I really don't know what I'd do without this caring and loving man.

Don't Yield Your Mind Turf - Julie Gillies

The scripture this morning kind of confused me a bit. Let me share it and then we'll talk.

"Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your mind in
the way." Proverbs 23:19 (ESV)

Ok, so maybe I needed to read as bit more for this to make sense, but in the beginning all I could think was that I have been trying so hard hear God's voice over the past few weeks that I've gotten frustrated.

But then I read part of this devotional that made me feel...bad. Her struggle was with a negative mind set and remembering every wrong that had been done to her. So, she never really forgave. Though I do struggle with rehashing old wounds at times ( ok, a lot more than I'd like to really admit when it comes to certain people), I struggle more with the next thing that she says.

Its not just the negative thoughts and holding on to what some else has done...its the fear and worry that I let bombard my mind. The past three weeks have been frustrating and painful...at times nothing makes sense and no matter what I do, nothing changes for the better...

I should know better. I know that all this worry and fear can't do anything to help me or the situations I'm facing...and that all that fear can only come one place...one lying manipulative place. Of course Satan wants me afraid, even though in my fear I'll turn to God, I still allow my mind to be plagued...and that give him a little foot hold. One I really can't afford to give him.

My husband, my child and my home do not need that added stress...but yet there it is as I struggle and constantly dwell...no matter how much I may say I'm not thinking about it. I need to trust God in what His answer to my prayers and petitions are...because honestly...there's nothing more powerful against this fear and worry than to cut it off and give that to Him.

Head over to Proverbs31Ministries.com and sign up for their daily devotional...read along with me and then let me know what you think in the comments. Lets discuss what we hear from God through these other women being open and honest with us.

Dear Father, I'm so sorry I pull away when times get rough. I'm sorry that I let that worry and fear separate me from you and give Satan that space to work that he so desperately craves in my life. Please give me your strength and comfort as I walk through these trials that you have planned and that you are with me every step of the way. Help me to reach out to the faith of the people you have pit in my life for this specific reason. Thank you for the blessing of walking these roads with people and You.

Cravings....

Weeks of Storms

I was listening to the radio the other day and someone was talking...and suddenly his words jumped out at me.

"Sometimes God redeems us from our struggles, but sometimes He redeems us through our struggles." 

I can't tell you who it was that was talking or what he was talking about...probably a song. I just know that this is something that struck me particularly hard this week. (Yes, my dear reader, I know it's only Wednesday...)

The last two weeks have been emotional and hard to deal with. There are so many times that I think, " I wish Mom were here." and I lay down on my bed and find myself holding the edge of the blanket she crocheted while pregnant with me. All I could think about was what she thought while she was pregnant...the things she worried about. 

B is always telling me that there's no use in worrying. God has all of this in His plan and blesses every trial we go through. While I KNOW this in my heart, it's really hard to act this. 

I was told that I have developed Gestational Diabetes. Of course, I wondered what I had done to make this happen (so, I did all the reading, I know it's just something where the hormones from pregnancy keep my body fro using the insulin I produce...DOES NOT MAKE SENSE) 

I started really watching what I eat, beating my head in about all the things that I need to eat. Stressing myself...and B keeps saying, it'll all be ok. 

Yesterday, the diabetes center decided I needed to have insulin ordered. Yep, needles and vials of insulin. Now, I do not want to be on insulin. There are so many side effects to both using the insulin and having higher blood sugar. How am I supposed to choose? And I know she never had to make this choice...yet here I am wanting nothing more than to talk it over with her. I never said it made sense. LOL 

Yesterday my doctor's office also made an appointment for a c-section...which I do not want at all. Little G is already pretty big and if I go into labor, they're fine with delivering him naturally...but if I don't go into labor by March 8th, on the 9th, they'll be doing a C-Section because he will be too big to deliver naturally. I have reservations about all this. 

So...what does all this have to do with anything? I felt alone...like I really didn't have anyone to talk to (other than B...he's already picking up my slack and working) I realized I have friends here, but no one that I feel like I can just call and say, "I need a distraction." I feel like I'm imposing on people and their time. But then...I thought back to that quote I heard. 

I'm meant to lean fully on God...through everything...as He redeems me through these struggles. I know God uses what He does in my life to bless both me and other people. It's like somehow I get in this little selfish bubble and forget that my purpose here is to praise Him and love His creation. 

I don't know how He'll use this...honestly NO clue (I guess that's part of it?) but I do know that He is refining and redeeming me through all that is going on. Breaking parts that need to be broken and giving me strength in parts that I really need to be working on. 

Though I would prefer less crying...geeze. 

 

7 - Jen Hatmaker ...and adventure with some amazing women!

It's been about two weeks since we started. Oh.My.Goodness.

When God wants you on your knees, He puts you there. And it can be extremely uncomfortable.

7 is quite the experiment to do, especially with the women I'm doing it with. Them women's group that usually met on Tuesday nights has changed a bit. We have a Facebook group (how techno savy of us!), and we have long distance members! Before we ended our last study together, we decided that we wanted to be more than just sitting on the couch praying and learning...we wanted to be out doing things for the "widows and orphans". No more being inactive in our faith...we needed to get out like Jesus did.

We made plans to go to the Rescue Mission and Rescue the Children. They're super busy (especially since we chose the BEST time of year...you know around Thanksgiving and Christmas. LOL)

In comes 7 by Jen Hatmaker. This is not a book like any other study I've ever done...and I LOVE it. It's real, written in a way I totally love. She's a little crazy (um, hello, we ALL ARE) and some of the diary entries are abruptly different and seem to have little emotional space in them, but are filled with a lot of facts. (I know, that may not make sense, read the book)

This book takes 7 different areas that we, as Americans, have so much excess it's not even funny! The first? Food. For 7 months, we'll pick 7 staples in each category and not use anything else. Well, being the preggo in the group, this was looking like it might be a little harder.

In walks some crazy news. I NEED to change my eating habits even more for reasons very important to my pregnancy. Ok, God, stop pushing. Obviously, He had a plan for me even more changing that I had even thought necessary. I'm thankful that He has be right where he wants me this early in this study...even if it's been ridiculously emotional and made me feel so much life I've failed. I don't think that's His point...I think he just wants me back in His plan.

So, most of the other ladies have picked 7 items to eat...for a month. Many have chicken, spinach and whole wheat on their list of 7. Today, I will be making my final list, it will probably be more than 7, but it will be just as restrictive. I've been eating restricted for a while now, and even when we started I cut out a  lot of the things that B and I were still eating...now I'm cutting down even further.

Walk with me...with us, through this amazing journey. It's amazing what just the first chapter has done in just a week.

I may not have made this all make sense in this post...but I will be sharing as I go. Next month? Clothes. Oh my! :)

When I Stray - Lynn Cowell

I've been reading, but not sharing...and maybe that's what's been keeping me agitated and not plugged in. (No matter how few people actually read this thing, it's good to still get it out there right?)

Today's Daily Dose comes from Proverbs 31 Ministries Encouragement For Today email. (as most of mine do :) )

The verse is, "I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them." Hosea 11:4 (NIV)


Lynn Cowell goes on to talk about her continual struggles. As we all have. Though one particular thing she said sticks in my heart, her comment about how God pursues us...no matter how many times we may turn away.

When working through the Bible in a year (ok, it was longer for us) and working through Multiply, one of the things that always caught me was how faithful God was. No matter how often the Israelites or even the Christians in the New Testament might have gone the wrong way, He was right there to correct them and to catch them when they turned back to Him.

She says, "God has a lot of experience when it comes to drawing back runaways." That is so true. How often have I not really run away in the way a small child does, but in the rebelious "I don't need you, I've got this" kind of way? 

I know that a big part of the issues and failure I've been feeling is the fact that I haven't made the space in my days that I really need to with God. I know everyone has this issue sometimes...but I feel like I've been doing it and trying to juggle all my priorities instead of being quiet and knowing that He is God. That is plan is perfect and SO much better than my own. No matter how many times I hear it, I have that stubbornness. 

I may read, but do I make the time I need to to fellowship, worship...make that sacrifice that I need to? Nope. I trying to be better about this. Maybe I just need a little more prayer. :) 

I think I may have to start posting more, at least the once a day that I need to keep myself "sharing" so I'm intentionally making the time I need to...not just reading and letting it just go in one ear and out the other. 

Abba, I'm so thankful that you pursue me. The loving way you will always lead me back to you. In all situations. When I've done what I shouldn't, or when I'm just not spending the time I need to. Thank you for that unconditional heart breaking love.

8 Weeks and Counting

So, quite a few months ago, I found out that I was carrying our first little one.

Now, he's coming so fast and I can't really even put in to words how unprepared I feel. I know that I've had to slow down (which I DO NOT LIKE) and I know I've had a lot going on. This week is 32 weeks (8 months) My doctor says that they can say that he'll make it to 36 weeks, but the will not guarantee up to 40 weeks. Ok, duh, but that is 4 weeks shorter than I've been planning for!

We are as ready as we will ever be to have him here. There are time and money concerns now. I know B is trying to figure out juggling all that. His room is not ready. How did this all come up so quickly?

Anyone else have this issue? I've been told that it drags by...but I'm really not feeling that!

On to different stuff ;)

In the next 8 weeks I will be a little quiet (not like that's a surprise or unexpected with the lack of posts lately) I do have plans to at least get up the Christmas presents that I made this past year and the plans for this coming Christmas (yes, I'm already planning that, c'mon, CONTROL freak! ;) )

Am I ready for a change? I think so. Do I know how to make that change? Nope! lol

I need a little...quiet time I think. And maybe time that the little guy isn't pushing all my organs around ;)

Coming up? The first Daily Dose in...A LONG TIME. Also, a post about 7, the book my ladies group is reading. I really wish Blogger had a better mobile app for Blackberry -_-

In a minute guys! 

First post of the New Year

I'm getting a slow start to this new year. So much going on, so much busy time.

I see people making lists of things they want to get done this year. For me, it's a little different. With Little G on his way in as little as 6 weeks (time FLIES) I feel like I can't really plan to do stuff...other than try to get his room ready.

So, I guess, my list is really more nesting than anything. I know things that I want to start doing again that I just lost track of. I'm currently trying to update my Cozi so I can have my working recipe tracker, menu and shopping list with my to do lists. We'll see.

Today may not make too much sense. I'm trying to power through a really weird headache that I've had since about 1am. Tension is more of it than anything else, but when you can only sleep on your side, there aren't many options to help you. I did give in and lay on my back for a bit, Little G let me know how much he hates that. LOL

So, here you go. My first post of the New Year. More to come, I swear...maybe after a nap. :)